“Oh come on, it’s only for a little while….”
“NO! GET OUT!”
“But it’s so warm and comfortable.”
“I’m not saying it again!”
Red had just about had it. This was completely ridiculous! She threw her hands up in the air and let out a loud, aggravated sigh
“For goodness sake, you’re not even in the right story!”
The young bear finally sat up and rolled his eyes.
“I know. But I need my Beauty rest, and that blonde haired brat stole MY bed. Hmmfff! Just Right my…”
“Enough! Just please, go home so we can get this show on the road.”
Baby Bear snuggled further down into the covers, crossed his arms and frowned. “No.”
Red blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. My furry butt ain’t going nowhere. So why don’t skip right on out that door and beat it!”
The young girl’s face turned a deep shade of crimson, almost matching the cloak she wore. She began to roll up the sleeves of her gingham blouse and balled her hands into fist, shaking one in rage at the cub.
“Why I aughta…”
Baby Bear put a hand up to silence her.
“Hey? Do you hear something?”
Sure enough, there was a strange sound coming from outside of the house. It almost sounded like….
“Is that chewing?”
“Oh, now what?!” Red fumed as she stormed over to the door.
“Hey, I didn’t know you had mice.” Said Baby Bear.
“We don’t!” hollered Red. Not even bothering to look back, she flung the door open and stared out.
“What the Hell kind of a joke is this?”
Red turned and was about to go back inside when she heard a voice coming from up above.
“Acht Hansel, Zis gingerbread ist stale!”
“Ya Gretal, und the icing taste like crap!”
Red backed up a few feet and gazed up at the roof to find two very rotund children gnawing on the shingles.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!”
They boy and girl stopped eating, looked at each other, then turned their heads and stared back down at her. The boy spoke first.
“Vell, ve vere lost in da voods…”
“Ya’ the girl interrupted ‘because our muder and fader left us there..”
“Because apparently ve eat too much und ze cannot afford to keep feeding us…”
“Ya, but it iz cold und dark und scary out zere….’
“Und ve vere hungry….”
“So ve started valking und valking und…”
“Und til ve spied your magnificent house of chocolate candies and ginger breads….”
“Ya, und ve thought you wouldn’t mind if….”
“If you tried to eat my Gran’s house? Really?! You seriously thought I’d be ok with that?!?!”
The two siblings looked at each other once more, then back down at Red and shrugged. Red just shook her head in disbelief.
“Get down. Now!”
The two nuisances shrugged once more and began clambering down the side. The girl made it down fine, but her brother lost his footing at the last second and landed hard on his back side.
“Ohhhhhhohoho! Mein heinie!” He sniveled while rubbing his sore bottom. Red just rolled her eyes and headed back inside. She had bigger fish to fry. Once inside, she turned back to the children one last time to yell, “SCRAM!” before slamming the door shut.
She was dismayed to find the Baby Bear had not left, as she’d secretly hoped, instead he’d made himself quit comfortable in her Gran’s bed and was snoozing away.
Red looked over to see the Big Bad Wolf enter the room. Hands firmly on her hips, she tsked at him.
“And just where the hell have you been?!”
The Wolf blushed, which was quite an amazing feat given that he was covered in dark gray fur, and sheepishly point back towards the room he had exited from.
Red shook her head again. “Whatever. Let’s just get rid of Sleeping Beauty here so we can continue with OUR story….”
She was interrupted as the front door burst wide open. The girl and wolf turned to see a very tall, handsome man stride into the room. Dressed in the finest clothing they’d ever seen, he stalked forth with an air of regality about him. He smiled at them as he ran a hand through his thick, luxurious, windblown, brown locks.
“Did someone say “Sleeping Beauty”?
“Whaaaaa…?” Said the Wolf
“Oh for cryin’ out loud!” Bellowed Red.
The man ignored both of them as his gaze wondered to the sleeping figure in bed. His smile widened, flashing picture perfect pearly whites.
“There! There she is! I have traveled from far and wide, searching. But it’s finally over. I have found her! My one…true…Love!”
“Are you nuts?!’ Exclaimed Red.
The man continued to ignore them as he made is way over to the bed and pulled back the covers to reveal a snoring bear cub. His eyes filled with tears as he glanced downward.
“She….she’s even more lovely then I imagined.”
Red and the Wolf stared speechless and wide eyed. Red recovered first.
“Are you blind?!?! That’s no Princess, THAT is a BEAR! And an annoying one at that!”
The man whirled around and glared angrily at the small girl.
“Silence brat! I will not have you speak such harsh and unkind words about my future wife.”
“Future w-wi…wi..wife?” Red stammered.
The Wolf leaned in towards her and whispered, “Something tells me this guy here is a few apples short of a picnic basket.”
They both watched as the man leaned forward and kissed Baby Bear, who began to stir soon afterwards. He yawned, stretched and regarded his audience.
“Well it’s about time, my darling.”
“I’ll say.” Said Red.
Baby Bear looked back up at the man leaning over him
“Hey. What’s going on?”
The young man beamed at him, “Fear not my darling, for I have broken the curse and awoken you. Now we shall away to my castle, where we shall be joined in marriage forever and all eternity.”
“What?! Now hold on a minute! I’m not…”
“Nonsense my pet! My trust stead awaits us out yonder in the woods”, the man scoffed.
“No, no no no no no nonononono! You don’t understand! This isn’t even my story!”
“No kidding!” Red commented.
“Come my beloved, let us away!”
And with that final statement, he scooped up the protesting cub and ran out the door. Outside, Hansel and Gretel could be heard arguing over which path to take to get back home. Red and the Wolf stared out the doorway for a short period of time before closing the door, heads shaking all the while.
“Well, thankfully that’s all over with. Now we can get on with the story.” Red declared.
She looked back over at the Wolf to find him staring oddly at her. He licked his lips and smiled, fangs glistening in the dim light.
Red closed her eyes and sighed